BACKGROUND: Scotland’s greatest poet comes from Ayr. That’s probably not all Stuart has in common with Robbie Burns, but I’m damned if I know what else. Both guys I suppose. Stuart moved up to Glasgow at a tender age, just missing the first Scottish post-punk explosion, and having to wait a few years for the next one. The next few years were spent dabbling in all sorts of nonsense; DJing, promoting concerts, working in a record store, selling bacon door-to-door, running marathons, and trying and abandoning various courses at University, in the days when you were allowed to do that sort of thing. At some point during all this, he seems to have learned to write songs, although I don’t think even he knows the exact point.
EDUCATION: This serial student never quite consummated his relationship with tertiary education, despite three serious flirtations. Probably will when he’s 60, just to take advantage of campus laundry facilities.
ATTRIBUTES: Competitive; loyal; diplomatic.
PUNCTUALITY: Pretty good. He’ll leave it damn late for planes, trains, gigs etc, but (touch wood) he’ll never miss them.
SAMPLE QUOTE: “Bawbag? It’s a word. You use it. Triple word score. Fifty-four points.”
FINEST MOMENT: Asking Chrissie Hynde whether she knew if Ray Davies had ever heard The Pretenders’ version of “Stop Your Sobbing”. “I should think so,” said Chrissie. “I was married to him.”
MOST LIKELY TO: Don the black and white of Ayr United. Suggest a game of Scrabble. Get the train instead. Have an “idea for the show tonight”. Enter the stage on a motorcycle, despite never having ridden one in his life. Resist getting a mobile phone. Take off his shirt. Go bright red when embarrassed. Run for miles for no apparent reason. Sing in a choir. Identify a tree or bird. Permanently damage his foot kicking a studio wall. Try and knock himself out before a flight. Argue black is white. Wear his pyjamas under his trousers. Stay up all night watching baseball on the telly. Only drink half of his 2nd cup of coffee. Embark on a new dietary regime.