Stuart's Diary

Hello kind readers.

I wonder what you expect to find when you come here? If you wonder whether I’m going to be caught up in the beautiful or the humdrum.. Whether I’ll be able to report revelation, or in fact, stagnation..

Mostly the former, this morning.

I took a break there to do some planned housework. Just a little bit mind you. My wife is taking the day off today on account of the fact that she had to work till midnight a couple of nights last week. I hear her stirring.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Oh just trying to do a bit of writing.”

“Whatcha writing about?”

“….”

But if I told her, I would never write about it. That’s the thing. And I usually don’t know what I’m writing about until I sit down. Because the premeditative thoughts that I had last night while I stood under the lip of the garage door watching the fantastic rain drop out of the darkness, don’t seem as appealing in the grey light of the morning.

So we made a morning deal, but it’s always tricky. The deal is that she goes and meets a friend for coffee just now, and maybe goes for a swim, and I get to stay in, then we switch later. The reason that it’s tricky is because in some regards we have different default social settings; I want to be left alone, she wants to keep the party going.

Of course, if we both wanted just to be left alone, then it wouldn’t work at all! There wouldn’t be any jam in the sandwich and we’d drift apart like two lonely slices of bread. And if we both wanted to keep the party going, then we’d be F. Scott and Zelda, and that would be something completely different..

So, it’s October. It’s always October. When I was a boy at school, I used to look at the date that I’d just written at the top of the page and think “It’s always October.

It’s October, and the people that meet to talk and think, talk and think about the economic crisis, while the people that don’t meet to talk and think, slowly sink into the gloom little by little. People are getting poorer, and no wonder there’s protests, and protests are for the most part a GOOD THING, but this time nobody quite knows who the villains are, and even if we knew who they are, they are so protected by the high walls of high finance and high language that.. we’ll never take them down.

And ultimately we know we are partly to blame for the bubble that burst, because we have all been greedy and optimistic and naïve at some point. And we’d like a new system please, we really would like a new system. At least give us something small. Something small and beautiful to look at and follow and get behind. Show me an irrefutably GOOD THING, and I will be yours forever.

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